When I moved out to California from Scotland 7 years ago, I was shocked at the inability of most people to have a proper conversation.
I ask you a question, you answer it, I engage with a comeback to show my interest in what you have said, you then ask me a question….and on and on.
I took it for granted that I knew how to do this. Doesn’t every parent teach their child the etiquette of conversation? Apparently not.
What I notice over in California is that people talk about themselves ALL the time. I’ve had many an interaction where I have been ‘talked at’ for about 20 minutes!
One of the first things I remember my parents telling me when I was young:
“always ask other people about themselves”
I was a lucky kid and I can never thank my parents enough for instilling this mantra in me.
So…what I learned is that not only does this mantra apply to conversations, it also applies to life in general. Not everything is about you or should I say ‘one’. Make it about someone else sometimes. When you do that, it’s a heck of a lot more fulfilling, people enjoy being around you, it’s easier to make friends and best of all, it’s interesting and you can really learn things about yourself and others!
Why is the etiquette of conversation like this over here in California? Well, I guess it has to do with belief systems. America is a young country founded on the principals of freedom of speech and independent thought. Unfortunately this has created a culture where people believe they have a right. A right to choose. When they have a right to choose, they believe they are important – that they have the power and control. In other words, its all about them!
However, back in the UK or at least Scotland, the sense of freedom is far less. We are still bogged down in the class system and there is most definitely a glass ceiling. So while this presents many negatives, this also infuses the culture with a humbleness, a sense of placement in the world. And so, this is reflected in the belief system, the belief system that is encapsulated in mantras like “ask others about themselves first”.
That is most certainly one I will be passing on to my children.
